a new little blog . . .

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So I've decided to start a new little blog . . . one that fits my goals better . . . so if you want, please go and see A Knock at the Door and let me know what you think. I'm envisioning it more as an artist's notebook than a photography blog, and I think that's why I decided to change.

happy new years,
Jessina
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thoughts on the liturgical year

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"The liturgical year is not an idle discipline, not a sentimentalist's definition of piety, not an historical anachronism. It is Jesus with us, for us, and in us as we strive to make His life our own. It is goad and guide to the kind of personal spirituality that is worthy of the Jesus whose commitment to the Word of God led Him all the way to the cross and beyond it - to Resurrection. It is, without a doubt, learning to live the liturgical year that makes a difference to every other year of our lives."

(Joan Chittister, The Liturgical Year)
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the first semester

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{saying goodbye}

{orientation week square dance}

{first day of classes}

{sunny afternoon at the park}

{around my room}

{the path that I walk everyday}

{autumn hayride}

{silver medals at the regatta}

{quiet afternoon study breaks}

One of the first nights at college in August, my RA had each of us write a note to ourselves that she then gave back to us this past week. This is a small snippet from mine, which I found meaningful as I reflect back on this semester . . .

Dear Jessina,

You just finished your first half-of-a-week of classes at college. And now you are sitting in Sarah's room, with all the girls on your floor. It has been an amazingly easy transition and a good first week at college . . .

And yet I know that within the upcoming months, in the intervening time between when I write this now and when I open it up at the end of the semester, there will be many challenges - many times when all I will want to do is hide away or cry, or times when I will be overwhelmed, exhausted, and stressed to the limit. But remember these two things:

First, like Mrs. D. reminded you before you left, remember to grant yourself much grace - realize that you are not perfect, but that God is constantly and always sanctifying you, and making you more like himself. Maybe this wasn't the perfect semester, but trust in God's goodness and love towards you, which he has shown you in an infinite amount of ways in the past and present, and most certainly will in the future.

Second, remember this: all will be well and all will be well and all matter of things will be well. No matter what happened in the past three months, all will be well. Trust in the Lord's love. And have hope.

. . . and in the end, realize the abundance of God's grace and cultivate an eye to see His presence in the lives of those around you. Love much. Serve wholeheartedly. Listen to others with compassion. And be more concerned about giving than getting.

See you at the end of the semester,
Jessina

And now I am here - at home, back in my little beloved room, at the end of the semester. It was good. It was rich. It was more than I had anticipated. It had challenges and difficulties. But overwhelmingly, it was full of much grace.

He is indeed faithful.

candles & pencils,
Jessina

P.S. Back to all things Christmas tomorrow!
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staying warm

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A few favorite coats - most beyond my budget, some not that great for staying warm, but nonetheless pretty to look at and be inspired by . . .
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See the Sea Grey Jacket - Ruche
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Earhardt Jacket - Bridge and Burn
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Librarian Herringbone Jacket - Bridge and Burn

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Expatriate Jacket - Mod Cloth
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Guild House Coat - Mod Cloth
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Part of my favorite December things.

tea and gloves,
Jessina

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welcome december

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My roommate and I woke up to a magical world of glistening snowflakes and snow-covered ground this morning. I love the excitement that surrounds the first snow, especially on a college campus. Everyone is eating snow and throwing snowballs and running about with scarves and mittens and smiles. And the first snow on the first of December = perfect way to start this lovely month.

And so in honor of one of my favorite months, I'm stealing a little idea from Summer Harms and will hopefully be sharing some of my Christmastime favorites over the next few weeks.

much peace,
Jessina
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set us free

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"Well do I know that
it's not our ambitions, dreams,
desires; hard, hard work
or inner fires that set us free:

it's whatever that He wants."

(Olivia Meldrum)
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autumn flavors

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Just three recipes that I hope to make over Thanksgiving break . . . which is just a week away!

+ Pumpkin Pear Crumble (click for picture credit)
+ Roasted Broccoli and Parmesan Pasta
+ Butternut Squash and Caramelized Onion Galette
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taking the world into my arms

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Highlights of this past week:

+ Wednesday evening: grace to somehow crank out a philosophy paper in just a few hours. (Hour-long phone calls with philosophy-PhD-aspiring brothers who can explain how thoughts could exist without thinking beings are always helpful.)

+ Thursday night: in bed before midnight for once - both Kathleen and I warm under our bedspreads sitting in the dim light reading our books.

+ Friday morning: silence in my room after getting back from early morning pilates class. Organic yogurt, my favorite design blogs, prayer, a bit of reading, some Jon Foreman, and a little knitting - all before 9am.

+ Saturday afternoon: walking on the leaves-scattered sidewalk around the quaint neighborhoods, decked in scarves and mittens, eating a baguette fresh from the French bakery, breathing the brisk and rainy air.

+ Later Saturday afternoon: knocking on the door of my professor's home, being ushered into the scent of pumpkin pie and the sound of Christmas music and the warmth of the smiles of all the elderly Mennonite women - learning the rhythm of working and talking with them.

+ Sunday afternoon: tea and cookies in my room with two sweet girls . . . talking about Dante and Dostoevsky and all the places we want to go in Europe.

+ Sunday evening: dinner with Margaret in a young couple's apartment from church . . . homemade chorizo tacos, friendly conversation, and generous hospitality.

I don't mean to make it sound like my life is perfect - believe me, there were plenty of moments this week that weren't so beautiful. But I find that reflecting on those moments of grace helps me to grow in the discipline of amazement . . .

When it's over, I want to say: All my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
(Mary Oliver)

all this grace,
Jessina
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a losing position

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Starting today, I hope to be back to regular posting. It was one of my goals for the year to post more often - mostly because I enjoy it, but also because it is good practice for writing and helps me stay focused and intentional regarding my larger life goals - so I plan to try and get back into the habit, as best as stressful college life allows me.

Today, though, I simply want to share this quote, which I reread tonight. I had underlined this paragraph when I read Wirzba's book earlier this year, and as I picked up the book again tonight and flipped through its pages, I found much needed grace in these words again.

"We are too much social climbers, angling and jockeying for position within an ever-changing hierarchy of prestige. We continually compare ourselves with others, seeing who is more successful or popular or beautiful. This is a losing position to be in, since there will always be somebody who compares better in some area. It is also theologically naive, because it assumes that God sees us in a similar hierarchical manner. When we recognize that we are all sinners, there is no cause for boasting and no need for competitive comparisons. In God's household all members are equally important."
(Norman Wirzba, Living the Sabbath, pg. 60)

under mercy,
Jessina
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multitude monday

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continuing my list of one thousand gifts . . . (and I really did write this on monday - just didn't get around to actually posting it until now) . . .
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101. a long walk and good conversation in a sunshine-scattered field with the beautiful sarah

102. the kindness of a sophomore who drove me to whole foods - so glad to have yogurt and strawberries and granola again . . . little things that I miss from home

103. the smoky scent of autumn wafting through the air

104. the thought of apple-picking this saturday

105. a merciful professor who gave our entire class an extension on a paper

106. how all the girls on my floor pop out of their rooms whenever I get home from a regatta and give me a grand welcome back and cover my door with welcome home signs

107. the old oak trees that line the path that I walk several times a day

108. the unexpectedly large and blue mid-western sky

109. yoga class tonight with kaitlyn

110. grades that turned out much better than I had anticipated

111. the complete silence of the chapel (silence is something quite rare here)

112. talking about international justice mission with elise around the bonfire sunday evening

113. package slips in my little post box . . .

114. . . . and homemade apple bread from my wonderful mother

115. church-sponsored art exhibits

116. good health and no colds (yet)

117. the night tara and I spent reading our favorite poems together

118. quiet tears that always birth new hope

119. lunch with the lovely jessica every monday, wednesday, and friday

120. returning to an anglican church this week after several weeks elsewhere - and speaking all those wonderfully familiar prayers again - it felt like going home

. . . grant us strength and courage to love and
serve you with gladness and singleness of heart.

All is grace.

grateful,
Jessina
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top six | cooking blogs

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One of the things I miss the most since coming to college is having a kitchen. On days like Sunday when the only on-campus food option for dinner is basically a hamburger or a veggie burger, there is nothing more that I'd like than a homemade banana-blueberry smoothie or a quick whipping up of whole wheat pasta with basil, tomatoes, and feta. Somehow greasy burgers don't compare.

So on days like today I suppress (or perhaps increase) my desire to cook by using my study breaks to look at food blogs. These are a few of my favorites today . . .

1 | Smitten Kitchen
2 | The Kitchen Sink Recipes
3 | Eggs on Sunday
4 | Fresh365
5 | Canelle et Vanille
6 | Honey & Jam

all's grace,
Jessina
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and this is college

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trip downtown to get frozen yogurt with some lovely people

saturday morning on campus, walking to the farmer's market

roommates
(and no, I didn't shrink - my lovely roommate just happens to be six feet tall)

I feel like ever since I first stepped foot on this campus, I have been breathing grace after grace after grace.

I had braced myself for college, expecting it to be challenging and uncomfortable at first. And yet it has been unexpectedly good. I don't know quite how else to express it. I have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living - I have seen it here in the faces that I've gotten to know, along the tree-lined paths I walk everyday, in the community of girls on my floor, in the kindness of my professors who give me rides to church each week, in the quiet moments alone in the chapel, in the late-night conversations with my roommate, in my crowded room as girls gather to watch a movie, in the boat as I yell at four guys to keep rowing, in the friendly faces I pass each day as I walk around campus, in the strength to wake up at 4:30am, in the knowledge I feel I have already acquired from my studies, in the cafeteria, in chapel, in classes . . . at that moment each night when I put my book aside, turn my light off and let my muscles (finally) relax in the darkness, as I whisper prayers upward.

I would write more, but I have been out all morning at the river and a lot of reading and paper-writing needs to get done before this evening. But thank you for all who have been praying for me - I know your prayers have truly carried me.

power tens and fall breezes,
Jessina
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fabric-covered bulletin board tutorial

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I've had a basic bulletin board above my desk for about a year now, but ever since I hung it up, I've been wanting to fix it up a bit. It looked a bit too blah and classroom-like for my taste. And so I decided to cover it up with some fabric. The process was much easier and hassle-free than I expected it to be, and it turned out quite lovely. Other than gathering the supplies, I'd say the whole thing only took about 20 minutes.

I used this tutorial as a guideline, but this is how I did it:

Materials: a piece of fabric large enough to cover the cork (I used some extra white linen I had from another project), fabric sheers or scissors, masking tape, spray adhesive, a piece of ribbon or trim long enough to cover the border of the cork, and hot glue or tacky glue

1. Cut out a piece of pre-washed material to fit the interior of your bulletin board. The piece of fabric should fit right up to the frame, but not past the frame. If it's not perfect, that's alright. The ribbon will cover up the inconsistencies.

2. Iron the material, if needed.

3. Using the masking tape, tape off the frame of the bulletin board so that you do not spray any adhesive on the frame.

4. With your material ready and on hand, spray the cork with the spray adhesive and immediately apply the material onto the board. Flatten out any wrinkles while the adhesive is still wet.

5. Once the adhesive is dry, cut out lengths of the ribbon or trim to fit the four sides of the bulletin board. Using hot glue or tacky glue (I found hot glue worked better), attach the ribbon or trim along the edges, within the frame.

And that's it! You could also paint the frame of the bulletin board before doing this, if you didn't like the coloring of the frame. And while I wanted something sort of understated and plain, there are endless possibilities with patterned fabrics or bolder colors.
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multitude monday

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continuing my list of one thousand gifts . . . I'm one-tenth of the way there now . . .

0081. eighteen years of life

0082. richard foster's books

0083. the kindness of a lady who graciously gave me (an almost total stranger) a beautiful old film camera

0084. peach-picking and picnics

0085. achingly hot summer days, when the sun feels very close

0086. a brother who surprised me and came home from his summer away just to celebrate my birthday

0087. this constant and eternal hope

0088. childhood novels

0089. divine rest . . . come all who are weary . . .

0090. visits from old friends

0091. anticipation

0092. sunflowers and farmers markets

0093. the giggles and shouts and sheer noise of a classroom full of five and six year olds with boats sinking into the seas and porcupines crawling about

0094. having amy home again

0095. letters in the mailbox from faraway friends

0096. peach custard pie

0097. my new-found love of cantaloupe

0098. the complete silence of the house while reading in bed each night before turning the lights out

0099. how very green the world is, particularly this time of year

0100. this last week when I can still imagine what college will be like, without yet experiencing it, knowing how naive I am, and how much I will most likely grow and change this next year . . .
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all's grace,
Jessina
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eighteen

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"O God, my times are in your hand: look with favor, I pray, on your servant, as I begin another year. Grant that I may grow in wisdom and grace, and strengthen my trust in your goodness all the days of my life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."
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(The Book of Common Prayer)
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cafes in paris

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I declared to Mother the other day that perhaps I will go to cooking school in Paris after I graduate college. ("Mm-hm," she said.) I think all of the cooking shows that I've been watching since getting my wisdom teeth out have been influencing me. But goodness knows that the food and cafes in France convinced me of this declaration as well, particularly the cafes. The relaxed atmosphere, the little wine glasses on each table, the scrumptious haricots verts, the sauces, the smaller portions, the cafe tables facing the street, the open windows, the waiters who come out with chalkboards . . .
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an attic room

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I've always wanted a room just like this . . .

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an alphabet of grace

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"Both life and death are present for me in the house this summer. I look at Mother, and think that if I am to reflect on the eventual death of her body, of all bodies, in a way that is not destructive, I must never lose sight of those other deaths which precede the final, physical death, the deaths over which we have some freedom; the death of self-will, self-indulgence, self-deception, all those self-devices which, instead of making us more fully alive, make us less." (Madeline L'Engle, The Summer of the Great Grandmother, 53)

"The times I have been most fully me are when I have been wholly involved in someone or something else; when I am listening, rather than talking; cooking a special, festive dinner; struggling with a fugue at the piano; putting a baby to bed; writing. A long-dead philosopher said that if we practice dying enough during our lives we will hardly notice the moment of transition when the actual time comes. But I am far from a saint, and I am seldom able to practice consciously this kind of dying; it is not a do-it-yourself activity. I know about it only after it has happened, and I am only now beginning to recognize it for what it is." (Madeline L'Engle, The Summer of the Great Grandmother, 53)

"Did Mado ever have the sudden, intemperate rages which sometimes hit me, and which are produced by what seems completely inadequate causes? She surely had reason for rage and resentment, and yet these are qualities which are never mentioned in regard to her. If they were there, she kept them to herself, and healed them in her own way, with prayer. I have her battered Bible, which Mother had rebound for me. It was much read, much marked, and there are stains which came, I think, through private tears. Perhaps through it she will teach me an alphabet of grace. She had that spontaneous quality of aliveness which illuminates people who have already done a lot of their dying, and I think I am beginning to understand the truth of that." (Madeline L'Engle, The Summer of the Great-Grandmother, 179-180)
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trying again, by grace,
Jessina
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six nice things

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1 | These Banana Bran Muffins from Eating Well. I haven't made them yet, but they look scrumptious (without the nuts and chocolate, please). And they'd be the perfect way to use up that extra pound of whole wheat bran I've got in the pantry that Mom's been encouraging me to use . . .

2 | I know it's trendy and the thing to do if you're in certain college hipster crowds, but I nonetheless think that TOMS is a wonderful brand with a good mission and some awfully cute shoes. I especially like the burlap ones.

3 | I am so totally in love with this picture display idea that I found via Domestic Life. And I have a huge wall in my room that I've been debating what to do with for a long time, and I think this will be perfect in every way (especially with that price of $16).

4 | The movie Forrest Gump. I've never seen it before today, but I liked it a lot. (Though be warned that there were a few parts I fast forwarded through . . . )

5 | This "Work Hard & Be Nice to People" poster that plays off the wording and styling of the "Keep Calm & Carry On" poster that's been circling around the design world for some time now. But I like the message of this one better, along with the more rustic design.

6 | I love this idea from Inchmark about how to host a "favorite things" party. What a lovely idea. I've also heard of having book swap parties, which I've thought sounds wonderful too.
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to live with arms stretched out

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Forty days until I up and away to college. So much anticipation + excitement + fruitless curiosity.

About these classes:

Classical and Early British Literature
Freshman Seminar
Public Speaking
Foundations of Ministry
Introduction to Philosophy

And about K., the roommate-to-be, and all the other people that I shall meet.

And about all the adventures and happenings that will take place there.

Yet I am also trying quite purposefully to simply enjoy this summer. I've been doing a lot of reading (The Hobbit, currently, and an awful lot of Madeline L'Engle's non-fiction). And a lot of baking. And a lot of shopping with Mom. A few too many doctor appointments. And probably too much sleeping. And smoothies with dear girls. Watching cooking shows as I eat my lunch. A little bit of crafting and creating. Attempts at the ballet Don Quixote. An awful lot of cleaning and reorganizing.

And beginning tomorrow I am off for a week downtown with my church to work with kids in a not-so-good area of town. I'd covet your prayers . . . that I'd truly be able to love in a self-sacrificing way.

bright as yellow,
Jessina
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