lent: a downward movement of the soul

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Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts.
See if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
(Psalm 139:23-24)

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This has been my prayer leading up to Lent: that the Lord would search me, try me, know me and show me those habits which compel me to have a divided heart (Psalm 86:11).
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Bobby Gross writes: "Each year the season of Lent asks us to embrace a spiritual gravity, a downward movement of the soul, a turning from our self-sufficiency and sinfulness. In such quiet turning, we are humbled and thus made ready to receive from God a fresh and joyous grace."
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This will be my first year practicing Lent. I have had friends who have practiced Lent in the past and I have watched curiously as they fasted from facebook or sugar or coffee. But I have never participated myself. I feel new and inexperienced, full of anticipation but also wary that I won't be faithful to that which I have committed to abstain from. But this stanza from George Herbert's poem on Lent has encouraged me:
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"It's true, we cannot reach Christ's forti'eth day;
Yet to go part of that religious way,
Is better than to rest:
We cannot reach our Saviour's purity;
Yet we are bid, 'Be holy ev'n as he,'
In both let's do our best."
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It is true: I might fail. I will fail. This time set aside for repentance and prayer will no doubt only highlight more of my weaknesses. As C.S. Lewis said, "No man knows how bad he is until he has tried very hard to be good." But perhaps that is also the point of Lent. This season is a reminder of our fleshly and messy humanity, our mortality, our failure. And so often it is in this humble state that the Lord reveals himself to us. We are made ready to receive from God a fresh and joyous grace.
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In preparation, I have printed off the liturgy for the Ash Wednesday service from the online Book of Common Prayer and have been reading over Psalm 51 and the litany of penitence. (Though, I finally bought my own copy of the Book of Common Prayer at my church's book sale this afternoon, so now I have a real book to hold rather than a few scraps of paper!) There are also some helpful passages about the purpose of Lent and some practical suggestions in Living the Christian Year and Welcome to the Church Year that I have been reading over.
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This year I have decided to fast from bread, seeking to understand more fully the true Bread of Life. I am a breadaholic who eats the warm yummy goodness for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, so giving it up will prove quite a challenge, I know. But as Lauren Winner writes, "We fast during Lent because fasting gets our attention. It is a necessary tool for rousing us from our day-to-day sleepwalking."
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And lastly, a song for Lent, based on Psalm 51:
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