the first semester

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{saying goodbye}

{orientation week square dance}

{first day of classes}

{sunny afternoon at the park}

{around my room}

{the path that I walk everyday}

{autumn hayride}

{silver medals at the regatta}

{quiet afternoon study breaks}

One of the first nights at college in August, my RA had each of us write a note to ourselves that she then gave back to us this past week. This is a small snippet from mine, which I found meaningful as I reflect back on this semester . . .

Dear Jessina,

You just finished your first half-of-a-week of classes at college. And now you are sitting in Sarah's room, with all the girls on your floor. It has been an amazingly easy transition and a good first week at college . . .

And yet I know that within the upcoming months, in the intervening time between when I write this now and when I open it up at the end of the semester, there will be many challenges - many times when all I will want to do is hide away or cry, or times when I will be overwhelmed, exhausted, and stressed to the limit. But remember these two things:

First, like Mrs. D. reminded you before you left, remember to grant yourself much grace - realize that you are not perfect, but that God is constantly and always sanctifying you, and making you more like himself. Maybe this wasn't the perfect semester, but trust in God's goodness and love towards you, which he has shown you in an infinite amount of ways in the past and present, and most certainly will in the future.

Second, remember this: all will be well and all will be well and all matter of things will be well. No matter what happened in the past three months, all will be well. Trust in the Lord's love. And have hope.

. . . and in the end, realize the abundance of God's grace and cultivate an eye to see His presence in the lives of those around you. Love much. Serve wholeheartedly. Listen to others with compassion. And be more concerned about giving than getting.

See you at the end of the semester,
Jessina

And now I am here - at home, back in my little beloved room, at the end of the semester. It was good. It was rich. It was more than I had anticipated. It had challenges and difficulties. But overwhelmingly, it was full of much grace.

He is indeed faithful.

candles & pencils,
Jessina

P.S. Back to all things Christmas tomorrow!
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taking the world into my arms

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Highlights of this past week:

+ Wednesday evening: grace to somehow crank out a philosophy paper in just a few hours. (Hour-long phone calls with philosophy-PhD-aspiring brothers who can explain how thoughts could exist without thinking beings are always helpful.)

+ Thursday night: in bed before midnight for once - both Kathleen and I warm under our bedspreads sitting in the dim light reading our books.

+ Friday morning: silence in my room after getting back from early morning pilates class. Organic yogurt, my favorite design blogs, prayer, a bit of reading, some Jon Foreman, and a little knitting - all before 9am.

+ Saturday afternoon: walking on the leaves-scattered sidewalk around the quaint neighborhoods, decked in scarves and mittens, eating a baguette fresh from the French bakery, breathing the brisk and rainy air.

+ Later Saturday afternoon: knocking on the door of my professor's home, being ushered into the scent of pumpkin pie and the sound of Christmas music and the warmth of the smiles of all the elderly Mennonite women - learning the rhythm of working and talking with them.

+ Sunday afternoon: tea and cookies in my room with two sweet girls . . . talking about Dante and Dostoevsky and all the places we want to go in Europe.

+ Sunday evening: dinner with Margaret in a young couple's apartment from church . . . homemade chorizo tacos, friendly conversation, and generous hospitality.

I don't mean to make it sound like my life is perfect - believe me, there were plenty of moments this week that weren't so beautiful. But I find that reflecting on those moments of grace helps me to grow in the discipline of amazement . . .

When it's over, I want to say: All my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
(Mary Oliver)

all this grace,
Jessina
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eighteen

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"O God, my times are in your hand: look with favor, I pray, on your servant, as I begin another year. Grant that I may grow in wisdom and grace, and strengthen my trust in your goodness all the days of my life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen."
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(The Book of Common Prayer)
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to live with arms stretched out

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Forty days until I up and away to college. So much anticipation + excitement + fruitless curiosity.

About these classes:

Classical and Early British Literature
Freshman Seminar
Public Speaking
Foundations of Ministry
Introduction to Philosophy

And about K., the roommate-to-be, and all the other people that I shall meet.

And about all the adventures and happenings that will take place there.

Yet I am also trying quite purposefully to simply enjoy this summer. I've been doing a lot of reading (The Hobbit, currently, and an awful lot of Madeline L'Engle's non-fiction). And a lot of baking. And a lot of shopping with Mom. A few too many doctor appointments. And probably too much sleeping. And smoothies with dear girls. Watching cooking shows as I eat my lunch. A little bit of crafting and creating. Attempts at the ballet Don Quixote. An awful lot of cleaning and reorganizing.

And beginning tomorrow I am off for a week downtown with my church to work with kids in a not-so-good area of town. I'd covet your prayers . . . that I'd truly be able to love in a self-sacrificing way.

bright as yellow,
Jessina
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a strain of earth's sweet being in the beginning

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So grateful for an afternoon of summery goodness yesterday. Despite it being summertime, a deluge of sickness, dance rehearsals, guests from out of town, and graduation party details have swamped every minute of my life these past few weeks. It was lovely to just have an afternoon "off" yesterday and spend some time drinking tea and strolling around the fair with friends.
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Thursday night tid-bits:
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+ Goodness, I'm digging this new 35mm f/1.8 lens. So excited to bring it to France.
+ Speaking of which, my suitcase sits on my bedroom floor empty. So much packing to do and preparations to complete before Saturday morning!
+ I always find it harder to fit in time for prayer during the summer than during the school year. The summertime lack of routine always knocks me off balance.
+ Overwhelmed at the kindness of God. I do not deserve "all this juice and all this joy." (Name that poem?)
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I doubt I'll be posting while traveling, so this might be my last post for a few weeks. I have some scrumptious little plans for this blog when I return though, hopefully helping it have a bit more direction. (At this point, I feel like one day I'm a photography blogger, one day a cooking blogger, one day a crafting blogger, one day a personal blogger, one day an Anglican blogger, one day a literary blogger . . . ) But until then, happy summer, friends!
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packing lists & ferris wheels,
Jessina
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without wavering

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I have been mulling over the concept of trust a lot this past week, as indecision, fear, and worry of all sorts has deluded my plans for the future. My life seems so fragile right now, so dependent on choices that I will make in these next weeks and months.
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And these words speak truth:
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" . . . let us draw near with a true heart
in full assurance of faith . . .
let us hold fast the confession
of our hope without wavering,
for he who promised is faithful."
(Hebrews 10:22-23)
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let us draw near . . . let us hold fast . . . to the confession of our hope
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Tonight I am:
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thinking . . . how thankfulness cultivates creativity + what college orientation will be like come august
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listening . . . to derek webb + jj heller
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feeling . . . sore from ballet tonight + overwhelmed about all the work that must be done before leaving for the conference on friday
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planning . . . tomorrow's schedule + graduation party stuff
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reading . . . "heart of darkness" for ap literature + "the call" by os guinness + some beloved mary oliver poetry + hebrews
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letting go and holding fast,
Jessina
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amy

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This past weekend my sister and I had a splendid weekend at home together by ourselves. These past few weeks we had both been quite stressed with school-related activities, so when Amy arrived home from college on Saturday evening, we both just felt like simply lying on the couch, talking, and relishing in that wonderful understanding that only a sister provides. So after an excursion to the grocery store and a homemade dinner, we watched Bright Star (which we thought even in all of its poetic beauty--it's about John Keats--and beautiful design, it was still, ahem, quite interesting).
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On Sunday, we awoke to a glorious spring-like day. As I drove to church, the sun was rising, the sky was blue, the air was warm, and the birds were cheeping. There are few things in the world that I love more than a sunny Sunday in spring, particularly one with my sister. So later in the afternoon, Amy and I decided to take advantage of the weather and we drove over to a lovely little lake that is down the road from our house so that I could take some pictures of her.
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So meet my sister and ten of my favorite things about her:

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1 | the obvious: she is beautiful

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2 | she knows how to bring the fun into any situation and convinces my occasionally over-disciplined self to lax up and enjoy life a bit more
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3 | there is some sort of understanding between us where I know that she knows what I really mean even if I can't perfectly express it with words

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4 | she is thoughtful and reflective and very analytical
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5 | she has the most stunningly gorgeous almond-shaped eyes
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6 | her "scrunchy nose" laugh is contagious and cute
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7 | she likes A Severe Mercy and A Circle of Quiet, the 1999 version of Mansfield Park, JJ Heller, reading poetry, choreographing dances, listening to sermons by Tim Keller, and cooking yummy food
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8 | she randomly skypes me throughout the day to chat, sends me long letters in the mail that brighten up an ordinary day, and texts me often just to let me know that she is praying for me
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9 | she walks barefoot into the frigidly cold water for me so that I can get a better picture
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10 | she is consistently trying to improve herself

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And there are so many other things I could say.
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I miss you, Amy.
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much love,
Jessina
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petite ballerinas, prayers, & cheesecake

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These are a few recent prayers and prayer requests from the girls at the preschool ballet class I teach. Sometimes it is so hard not to laugh!
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IT: My prayer request this week is for my head. I was hit with a snowball and it hurt.
AE: Wasn't that your prayer request last week too?
IT: Well, um, yes...but last week I was speaking in a different language.
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JD (a four year old): Please pray for my children.
GS: Who are your children? How do you have children?
JD: Well, you know, my children! (Very offended-like, as if we didn't know she had children.)
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IT: Lord, please help the lady whose mother died. And Lord, we REALLY need some cheesecake. Amen.
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the view from my window

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This is a picture I took of the view from my window sometime last summer:
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And this is what my view looks like today:
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And I was standing thigh-deep in the snow as I took this picture!
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